Fit and Female

Playing The Blame Game

Lately I've been thinking about the mind games we play with ourselves -- how we really create our own reality with the kind of beliefs we have. 

We have beliefs (conscious or not) about who we are, who we're supposed to be and what is truly possible for us.   

From everything I've read from folks like: Tony Robbins, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Napoleon Hill and Brian Tracy) one thing is apparent to me... we set ourselves up for success or shackle ourselves down to failure by the things we tell ourselves and the choices we make.

One thing that I am trying to banish from my own life (and something that I've seen clients do over the years in the fitness and nutrition arena) is playing "the blame game"  (Insert cheesy carnival barker voice here) "Step right up, folks...spin the big wheel...make sure responsiblity for your choices lands on somebody else".  Here are a few examples that are probably familiar to all of us. 

• "I would have eaten better, but my kids had pizza and ice cream last night, so I had to eat it too".
• "I would have loved to workout, but my husband needed me to take care of something"
• "If it hadn't been for that phone call that came in (when I was about to leave for the gym) I would have gone to workout"...it goes...on and on.

Tony Robbins has one of my favorite answers to "the blame game". 

Whenever somebody comes up with an excuse as to why they "couldn't" do something, he says you should say, "Yes, I understand that you couldn't -- but if you COULD -- what COULD you do?" 

In other words, sure there are somethings (acts of G-d, forces of nature, etc) which are clearly out of our control.  But what IS in your control??  Usually it's a lot more than we realize.

For instance, In the above examples, you might ask this person...

• Okay, did your kids "have" to have pizza and ice cream (i.e. would they die if they didn't eat it?) or did you make a choice that this was something you wanted to let them do.
• So then knowing that was the choice...you also made another choice to join them (which is fine..as long as you're honest about it...and as long as its not every single night).  But was there truly another choice that YOU could have made?  Eat before you went out?  Get a salad with some chicken and a sorbet, instead?  Or conciously choose to pig out (fair enough)-- enjoy and move on with life in the AM?
• Did you have to do that chore to help your husband out at all?  Could someone else have helped him, perhaps?  Did you have to do it at that particular time?  Or did you choose to do it when you did it...deciding that it was more important than working out in that moment?
• Did you have to answer that phone call?  Could you have let your VM pick it up?  Was it really an emergency requiring your immediate attention?  Or did you decide that your workout time was less important than this particular call?

This is what Brian Tracy refers to as "locus of control theory".   The idea behind locus of control theory is that the more you focus on those things that you can have an effect on  --the greater your results will be.

Forget what is truly out of your control.  What could you do if you were really committed to a particular result.  What is in your control?  What choices could you have made to insure you get the results your after?

Which brings me to the next thing I've been thinking about (which is a separate blog in itself)...which is that we use "the blame game" to dodge responsibility for our choices, because on some deeper level -- we don't REALLY want that result. 

Too often, we don't believe we are supposed to achieve things in our lives...either because we aren't worthy, or we're frightened or we think we are going to have to suffer in the process...it goes on and on.

But whatever the internal dialog is...for some reason we are not TOTALLY committed to the end result...and therefore WE sabotage our own efforts and then we try to pin our failure on other people.

 If folks want it bad enough they can move mountains to make it happen.

Think about your goals (health and fitness or otherwise).  What do you really want?  How committed are you to making it happen?   

Then forget all of the obstacles that stand in your way and focus on the things that are within your control.  What choices could you make...if you REALLY wanted to get the job done? 

Holding On To Your Inner Athlete

A friend of mine  teaches physical education to elementary school kids.  He once told me that when he goes into a room full of kindergarteners and asks them, "who in this room is an athlete?" ALL of the kids enthusiastically raise their hands.

Unfortunately, he said that when you ask a room of 3rd graders the same exact thing -- only about a third of them raise their hands. 

That means that somewhere between the ages of 5 and 8 most of us stop believing that there is an athlete within us. 

This annecdote really hit home for me.  As a young kid (like most kids) I loved to move.  I was very physical and very active.  I particularly loved dancing.  In fact my parents have some embarassing footage of me barely able to walk at a one year of age, dancing like a mad fool (no sound..we're talking mid 1960s... just images) to what was apparently The Beatles, "She Loves You". 

I danced a lot from then on (loved it and apparently had some ability for it) until I was about 7 when I stopped going to dance class because it conflicted with the other important things on my schedule. 

Over time I stopped viewing myself as someone who was able to move well, as an athlete.

Back then we had PE everyday in school, but for me I think that caused more problems then it solved because traditional PE is about being good in sports, not moving for movement's sake .  And I wasn't very good at sports (understatement alert!). 

Let me just give you a visual of me in a typical PE class.  We would play kickball, someone would kick the ball and it would hit me smack dab in the face as I stood there with my arms at my sides (umm...reaction time much?).  And I'm pretty sure I hold a Guiness World Record for the most times having a softball go completely over the backstop and bounce off the top of your head as you sit there on the bench clueless.  All of which might explain this blog....but I digress... 

Anyway, once I stopped going to dance class, I stopped thinking of myself as a good mover and began to identify myself first as a "spaz" and then later hopeless... and before long as a full-out couch potato.  Sadly, I think far too many of us (especially females) have the same early experience with exercise. 

As parents, (particularly parents of girls), I think we need to be aware of the labels that we put on kids in this area.   All those labels can make a child shut down and stop trying to move because they aren't "good" at it -- or because someone else is a whole lot "better". 

Worse yet, its far more socially acceptable for girls to stop being active than it is for boys.  In fact, girls that are too active may even risk social ridicule for being a "jock" (heaven forbid!) -- or not feminine enough.

Years later in my late teens, I found my way back to fitness by doing "aerobics" (think Jane Fonda).  It was dancing that apparently was also "exercise".  There was music, leg warmers, fashion forward leotards ;-) -- I loved it, it was fun...and whadda know, I was pretty darn good at it.  Soon it turned into my passion and eventually into my profession.

The bottom line is that kids need to be encouraged to keep moving -- for movements sake alone.  Not all of us are going to want to be on sports teams or have the ability to be on sports teams.  But kids in this country desperately need to move. 

If you don't believe me, consider these sobering statistics:

• 50% of kids 8-16 watch 3-5 hours of television a day
• Kids who watch the most television have the highest incidence of obesity
• Over 30% of kids ages 6-11 are overweight and more than 15% are obese
• Overweight children are more likely to be overweight adults
• In the last 25 years, obesity as more than doubled in adolescents and more than quadrupled (you read that right) in younger children

The long term health implications of this for our country are staggering!  But the antidote is ridiculously simple:

• Get kids to move more everyday, forget "sports" per say, unless they want to do them.  Tag, running around a playground, splashing around in a pool, playing chase, riding their bikes...its all good
• Make moving more fun.  The less kids very exercise as a chore the more likely they are to do it -- and continue doing it for the rest of their lives
• Cut out some of the junk and get kids to eat more good stuff.  Try to cut back sugary drinks, greasy snacks, encourage more fresh fruits, veggies, water.  Watch deep fried food consumption and mindless munching in front of the "boob tube".

Getting Real With Yourself

Years ago there was a book on the shelf in the gym that I worked at titled, Your Fat Is NOT Your Fault.  

I always found this title fascinating (and amusing) because as a trainer I know how few people are really honest with themselves about the amount of control they have over their own bodies. 

I often joked with my clients that I should come out with a book called, Your Fat Is MY Fault.  Because in the personal training field, some clients really wanted to pay for their 2-3 sessions a week and then not take ANY personal responsibility for the lifestyle choices they make the other 165 hours per week. And (file this one under the category of "life's not fair") the fact is that just doesn't work!

Here's a perfect illustration of this... Years ago I briefly trained this woman who I had seen at the gym for years.  She always seemed to be working out very hard (sweaty, red in the face) and she was pretty consistent.  But she never looked particularly fit -- and always had a significant amount of extra body fat.  People in the gym would comment about how hard she worked out and wondered why she didn't appear to be in better shape.

Anyway, because I worked there occasionally she would ask me questions about fitness and eventually she asked me to train her. 

As my client, one of the first things I asked her about was her diet.   She was insistent that she ate "very well, low-fat, lots of fruits and veggies, lean proteins, etc.".  I was highly doubtful that this was the case, given how hard she exercised and how deconditioned she looked.

So I encouraged her to keep a food diary.  I asked her to just track two weekdays and one weekend day in a given week.  This is a usually a powerful tool to reveal trends that can sabotage your weight loss efforts. (Incidentally, a study released this week showed that folks who kept a food diary lost 2x as much weight as those who didn't!).    But she was very reluctant.  She always had an excuse as to why she didn't bring me a food diary.  She was insistent that her diet was not the problem.

One day about four weeks into our training she told me how frustrated she was with her lack of progress.  She had been coming to her sessions, doing her cardio program three days per week on her own.  So again, I asked her about what she was eating.  She became very defensive, insisting that her diet was excellent and that "this exercise stuff just doesn't work for her".  I knew there was a lot more to the story, but ultimately a person needs to get real with themselves and own up to what they are (or aren't doing) that's responsible for their lack of progress.

Fast forward about a month later I was leaving a crowded brunch place one Sunday AM and bumped into my client and her husband seated at a nearby table. 

I greeted her and then looked down casually.  I couldn't believe what I saw.  Both she and her husband were eating a "king's breakfast" (eggs, buttered toast, hash browns, bacon -- the works) .  But that wasn't all -- in between both of them sat a huge pile of onion rings AND next to it -- a giant mound of french fries.  Hmmmm.....okie dokie.

I knew she was really embarrassed that I "busted" her.  She looked very uncomfortable.  I didn't say anything about it at the time and I didn't give any outward indication that I was on to her, but she knew.  I decided to speak to her about it in person at our next session.  But I never got the chance.... she rescheduled her training about 2-3 times after that and then dropped out entirely. 

I really don't think she was ready to be 100% honest with herself and to take total responsibility for her part of her health and well being. 

Sure , all of us want to look great, but how many of us want to make the sacrifices that entails? 

There's a great scene in the TV show Nip/Tuck (Session Three) that details this exactly.   There is an episode where Mario Lopez plays a young plastic surgeon who is in amazing physical shape. 

Christian (on of the protagonists) a handsome, 40-something aging Lothario who is very vain is staring at an Adonis-like Mario Lopez as he showers in the gym locker room (BTW that's not why I loved this scene, although it IS worth watching for that alone).

Anyway, Lopez's character assumes that Christian is gay (he's not) -- and that he's coming on to him.  So finally he gets annoyed and asks him what he is staring at.  At which point Christian says, in a completely non-sexual tone, "Hey, how'd you get your ass to look like that?"  At which point ..both of them start having a serious conversation about working out and diet...all while standing there showering buck naked...it was very,very funny. 

The point is that Lopez's character doesn't pull his punches with his reply...he basically says, "I look this way because I kill myself every day working out hard and watching my diet -- AND YOU DON'T"...and he then goes on to detail exactly what those sacrifices look like on a day-to-day basis, "while you're sleeping in, I'm running 5 miles"..."while you're eating Joe's Stone Crab, I'm having steamed chicken and broccoli"..."while you're on your third glass of Pinot Grigio, I'm in the gym hitting the weights" (I'm paraphrasing but you get the point) and on and on...

It was very powerful because it underscores the fact that he just didn't turn into this by accident.  He's not just some genetic freak.  Being in that kind of shape is very important to him, so he's willing to make sacrifices that most of us wouldn't -- and it shows. 

It was a great reminder that our results are always directly proportional to our level of commitment, our sacrifices and our persistence.  

So the next time you are bemoaning your lack of progress in terms of a fitness, weight loss -- or aesthetic goal, ask yourself honestly....how badly do you want it?  And what sacrifices are you willing to make to get it? 

If you're not willing to make major sacrifices, that's fine (I'm not a big believer in extremes myself -- not giving up some wine and chocolate in my life), just realize that THAT is a choice...be honest about it, embrace it and know that it is directly connected to your outcomes.

Got Stress?

Did you know that experts say between 75-90% of all doctor's office visits are related (at least in some way) to stress?   Yikes! 

If stress were viewed as a disease there would be a national movement to put an end to this menance to our country's health.  Yet most of us don't give much thought about being proactive in our stress management. 

We throw around expressions like, "I'm so stressed out" on a pretty regular basis ...but, what does that really mean?  What is "stress"?

According to the late psychologist, Richard Larzarus "stress" is, "when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize."

In other words when we feel stressed we feel unable to manage the a situation, overwhelmed and without the proper tools and support systems to cope.

Clearly because of the unbreakable connection between your brain and your body, stress is not just a psychological phenomenon. Stressful thoughts activate the autonomic nervous system to produce powerful chemicals involved in the body's fight-or-flight responses. These chemicals have wide-reaching effects on virtually every system of the body, including: digestion, breathing, blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension blood lipids blood sugar -- even the clotting of your blood.  And scientists are adding more and more to the list every day.

Chronic stress can come from experiencing: health problems, relationship issues, sudden life changes, lifecycle passages and  unresolved emotional/psychological issues.

But not all of us view the same things as stressful and some of us cope much better with stress than others.  Studies show that individuals those who manage it better tend to have more adaptive strategies in terms of both perception (what they believe about themselves and a given situation) AND procedure (what they do to manage stress). 

So in the interest of keeping 75-90% of us out of the doctor's office, here are the top 10 ways to manage stress according to Santa Clara University. 

Top Ten Stress Management Techniques

1.  Organize yourself.
Take better control of the way you're spending your time and energy so you can handle stress more effectively.

2.  Control your environment by controlling who and what is surrounding you.
In this way, you can either get rid of stress or get support for yourself.

3.  Love yourself by giving yourself positive feedback.
Remember, you are a unique individual who is doing the best you can.

4.  Reward yourself by planning leisure activities into your life.
It really helps to have something to look forward to.

5.  Exercise - your health and productivity depend upon your body's ability to bring oxygen and food to its cells.
Therefore, exercise your heart and lungs regularly, a minimum of three days per week. This includes such activities as walking, jogging, cycling, swimming, group fitness classes, etc.

6.  Relax - take your mind off your stress and concentrating on breathing and positive thoughts.
Dreaming counts, along with meditation, progressive relaxation, exercise, listening to relaxing music, communicating with friends and loved ones, etc.

7.  Rest as regularly as possible.
Sleep 7-8 hours a night. Take study breaks. There is only so much your mind can absorb at one time. It needs time to process and integrate information. A general rule of thumb: take a ten minute break every hour. Rest your eyes as well as your mind.

8.  Be aware of yourself.
Be aware of distress signals such as insomnia, headaches, anxiety, upset stomach, lack of concentration, colds/flu, excessive tiredness, etc. Remember, these can be signs of potentially more serious disorders (i.e., ulcers, hypertension, heart disease).

9.  Feed yourself and do not poison your body.
Eat a balanced diet. Avoid high calorie foods that are high in fats and sugar. Don't depend on drugs and/or alcohol. Caffeine will keep you awake, but it also makes it harder for some to concentrate. Remember, a twenty minute walk has been proven to be a better tranquilizer than some prescription drugs.

10. Enjoy yourself.
It has been shown that happier people tend to live longer, have less physical problems, and are more productive. Look for the humor in life when things don't make sense. Remember, you are very special and deserve only the best treatment from yourself.

 

Taking Baby Steps

When I was in grad school, I remember one of my professors saying that just a 20% increase in physical activity was associated with a 50% decrease in morbidity and mortality -- that blew me away!! In other words, just moving a little more than you did before dramatically decreases your risk of dying early from things like heart disease, stroke and Type II Diabetes. Or put another way...when it comes to getting physical -- a little does go a long way.

It's really important to remember this, because I can't tell you the number of times that I've heard clients talk about making a shift towards a healthier lifestyle as if they were preparing to go into battle. They would describe these grand schemes for what they would do. Exist on wheat grass and tofu, run 5-miles a day every day, lose 20 pounds in a month.

In most cases it sounded really awful -- and unrealistic. No wonder they never got started.

The fact of the matter is the true health and long-term wellness comes from the little things that you do every day. Not from huge things, but from the cumulative effect of small things.

I'll give you a little example from my own life. Years ago I was training at a gym in NYC about 10 blocks (and 3 avenues over, for you Manhattanites) from my home. It was only a 15-20 minute stroll, but I would always cut it soooo close to the wire in the morning, that I would need to jump in a cab for the 3-min. $5 cab ride, just so I wouldn't be late for my client.

Then one day (in the spirit of saving an extra $100 a month that I was spending due to pure laziness on my part) I started leaving early enough to walk to work. And to my surprise, I really enjoyed it.

Now, I already exercised a lot (I was personal training full-time) and was a healthy weight already, but I ended up losing about 3 pounds over the course of a few months, without meaning to just with that little change.  Mind you this wasn't a "power walk". I didn't even work up a sweat. But it probably added an additional 200 calorie expenditure to my day...or 1000 calories a week.  Multiply that by 3 and half weeks and it adds up to a pound.

And this was an effortless thing, not a major shift. But these are the kinds of things that stack up, either positively or negatively and result in good health or bad.

Most people who are not in shape do not understand this. You talk to them about making better choices on a daily basis (in terms of both nutrition and physical activity) and they talk to you about all the conditions that will need to be in place for them to get healthy. Kids will have to all be away college, special planetary alignments, tons of lottery winnings (so they have plenty of free time and money to hire that "Trainer To The Stars")...whatever...it's usually not a realistic situation that they are describing -- or one that's going to happen any time soon.

Take this good friend of mine. She has been gaining weight steadily over the last few years. She is probably at least 20 pounds overweight now and she complains about it constantly. But when you talk to her about her health goals and taking better care of herself, she tells you that she is:

• Too heavy to go to gym right now (she has to "get in shape first")
• Too tired to exercise (which in her mind HAS to be running) waiting until she quits her job so that she'll have more energy to workout (FACT: working out GIVES you more energy) physically unable to do exercises that involve a lot of impact (I explained to her that just walking for 30-minutes a day would do amazing things for her and involves very little impact)

The list goes on and on...she has insured that she won't get in better shape because she believes that some idyllic world has to exist before she can begin.

Hogwash!! Begin today. Start with something small. Just change one little thing and make it part of your every day.

The Chinese philosopher LaoTzu is credited with saying that, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". But apparently (and my Mandarin is a little rusty here) the actual translation is "the journey of a thousand miles begins from right where you stand". Love it! 

What's Your "Sleep Profile"?

Yesterday I posted about the importance of sleep in weight loss. 

In my websearching I found this fascinating survey which makes suggestions based on your particular sleep profile.  I particularly like that I didn't have to sign-up for anything or share my email address. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/profiler/

Sleep Away Your "Baby Fat"?

Experts say if you're consistently burning the "midnight oil", you'll have a tougher time burning off your love handles?  

Apparently lack of sleep (defined as between 4-6 hours) raises the "let's eat" hormone gherlin and lowers the "stop now, you're full" hormone called leptin.  

Researchers found that hunger and appetite ratings were almost 25% higher in under-slept subjects.  The sleepy subjects were particularly drawn to eating high calorie, high-carbohydrate foods. 

Lack of sleep also results in higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol which promotes the storage of body fat and the use of other tissues (i.e. muscle) for energy.  

In one study women who went from 7 to 4 hours of sleep over the course of 4 nights ate 400 more calories on the day after the 4-hour night's sleep.   In another, dieters lost 3 times as much body fat on the same diet when they slept for 8.5 vs 5.5 hours.

According to the CDC, 1 in 5 of Americans get 6 hours of sleep or less.  The National Sleep Foundation says we should be getting between 7-9 hours a night.

Not sure about you, but personally I don't know a whole lot of people getting that much sleep on a regular basis.  Myself included.  So after reading these scary stats, I'll be adding "get more quality sleep" to my ever-growing list of New Year's resolutions.   On that note...peace out....zzzzzzzzzzz

The Negative Self-Talk "Diet"

For reasons that I don't fully understand, most women (to one extent or another) feel compelled to focus on their perceived physical imperfections. 

Put a few of us alone in a room and invariably the conversation will turn to what each of us feels is "wrong" with our looks.  Sometimes it actually turns into a competition about who has the most to complain about. 

We say that we are too...fat...bony...busty...flat.  Our butts are too big...flat...small...flabby.   Our hair is too curly...straight...frizzy...flat....our faces are too....it's endless. 

The real tragedy here is that we aren't just speaking this way to other women on occassion -- we are speaking OURSELVES this way -- ALL THE TIME. 

Whether it takes the form of looking at images of other women in magazines and telling ourselves how we don't match up...or staring at our various body parts in the mirror and analyzing what's wrong with them...or some nasty comment we make to ourselves when we step on the scale ...ultimately it is all very poisonous to our own self-esteem. 

The truth is pretty much nobody is perfect.  Most models (truly, I've trained them) are not "perfect".  And that's a good thing, because our "imperfections" are often the things that make us more interesting.  They give us our own unique brand of beauty.  Think of some famous celebrity examples...Eva Mendes' mole...Kim K's derriere...Angelina's lips...Jennifer Aniston's nose...Sarah Jessica's hair.  They are all unusual features and trademarks that make these folks memorable.

So, in the spirit of a new year and better self-esteem, would you be willing to go on a   "diet" where you remove all  of  the negative mental self-talk from your life for the next30 days? 

You will probably find that there are triggers that you will need to avoid in order to do this...maybe it's reading women's magazines, speaking with certain people, getting on the scale, or obsessively trying on that bikini (you know the one that never fit quite right even back when you it bought on sale 5 years ago).

Whatever it is for you, try to identify it -- and then try to avoid it.  Or at the very least the minute you start to "go there" and bash yourself...do whatever you have to do to stop.  You have a minute to cut it off and before it takes hold and make another choice...if not you're back to day one of your 30 days.

So give it a shot -- if you dare.   It's not easy, but it is very powerful. In fact, if you can do this for 30 days, I guarantee you that you will:

• Feel infinitely better about yourself
• Realize that YOU are in control of what you chose to think and how you "speak" to yourself
• Know what things typically "set you off" and figure out strategies to either deal with them effectively or ignore them entirely

High fructose corn syrup may increase overeating...as if we needed anymore reasons to avoid it. http://news.yahoo.com/brain-image-study-fructose-may-spur-overeating-210254342.html

Dealing with DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness)

Whenever you workout you run the change of developing delayed onset muscle soreness (also known as DOMS). 

DOMs is more likely to happen when you are doing activities which you are unaccustomed to, especially those or that involve a lot of muscle lengthening while developing tension (eccentric contractions). Bottom line, if you're a physically active person you're likely to have some DOMS at one point or another. 

So here are some "deets" on dealing with DOMS (hey, what can I say I'm a sucker for alliteration).

• DOMS can develop between 12-24 hours after an activity and usually peaks at 24-72 hours.
• DOMS is believed to be the result of microtrauma to the muscle tissue.  DOMS is NOT the result of lactic acid build-up (as often believed).
• Getting DOMS after an activity one time offers some protection against developing it again for weeks or possibly months.  That said, if you discontinue and exercise beyond that time period DOMS will likely occur again.
• DOMS typically isn't a sign of a medical problem, however there some red flags that warrant medical attention.  These include: excessive swelling, intense pain and/or dark urine.
• The longer and harder you work out the greater your chance of developing DOMS
• Examples of activities likely to cause muscle soreness (because of their eccentric movement component) include: walking or running downhill, the lowering towards the ground phase of a squat, lunge or push-up.
• To reduce the discomfort of DOMS you can try any of the following (always check with your doctor to see what is best for you): massage, using a foam roller or massage stick, light aerobic activity, cold (or hot and cold together) baths/showers, stretching, modifying activity/resting until symptoms subside.
• Increase your activities gradually which can make DOMS less likely.

For more info check out:

 http://www.acsm.org/docs/brochures/delayed-onset-muscle-soreness-(doms).pdf

http://sportsmedicine.about.com/cs/injuries/a/doms.htm

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/art-sore-muscles-joint-pain?page=2